I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
