The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
