It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
