Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
