I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize