Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
