I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
