Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my shit smells like andre
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
