would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
