just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
