There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
