brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
