Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
