I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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