I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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