May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
