so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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