never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
