Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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