so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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