Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
