woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize