Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
