I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
