i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
