first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize