I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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