The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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