Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
