Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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