Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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