did you get engaged???
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
