She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
