I smell stomach acid.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
