i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
