Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize