fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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