You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
