I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
