i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
