Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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