i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
