I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
