I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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