I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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