I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
