She is in my trunk
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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