my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
