Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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