now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
