last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
