I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
