apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
