She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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