"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
