I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
