Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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