im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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