I have demons in me.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
