Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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