I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
