T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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