I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
