I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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