i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
