I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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