I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
