man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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