hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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