Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize