i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
