He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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