A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
