you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
