If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
