So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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