operation harelip BJ is a go
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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