Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I want her autograph on my taint
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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