Fuck appropriateness.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
