Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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