so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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