I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize