He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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