Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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