I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
