i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
