drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
