God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
