Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
