Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
