Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
