Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
