I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
