i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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