so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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