no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
