Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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