He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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