I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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